IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays in many countries young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What are the reasons for this? Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's time, mass
migrate
Change the verb form
migrates
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 from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 to metropolitan areas in order to earn higher education and successful career. In my opinion, the upsides of
this
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 trend far outweigh its downsides. There are two main disadvantages of shifting
in
Change preposition
to
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cities
Use synonyms
 from rural areas first and foremost downside is culture erosion.
This
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 is to say,
Correct article usage
the up-coming
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up-coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
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 generation is not interested in farming
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was the main source of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 for their ancestors.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are splitting from their roots day by day. Another negative side is crowded
cities
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. Because of moving, the
demands
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demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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 houses is rising.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 town becomes more congested and increases
their rents
Fix the agreement mistake
its rent
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.
Moreover
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, high pollution and inflation are
also
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 caused by migration.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 phenomenon of relocating from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to
cities
Use synonyms
 is more advantageous.
Firstly
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, the big universities are located in metropolitan areas. Those students who
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to pursue their higher degrees from these recognized universities have to leave
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 as they can't
do
Correct your spelling
go
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 up-down on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis because of poor transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
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apply
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large companies are
also
Linking Words
 constructed in big
cities
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 so the highly educated youngsters
shifts
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shift
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 there in the wonder of
good
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a good
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 career. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not only career opportunities
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 a satisfactory transportation system. Workers do not need to worry about
late night
Add a hyphen
late-night
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 jobs. In my opinion, the advantages of population drainage from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to
cities
Use synonyms
 in search of jobs and education are more than its disadvantages.

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task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your main points, ensuring they are relevant to the question asked. For instance, emphasize more on how young people benefit from moving to cities, beyond just job opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect related points more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, mentioning specific industries or fields that thrive in cities would strengthen your point about career opportunities.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stating that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, which is essential for task fulfillment.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • rural exodus
  • job market
  • academic institutions
  • cultural diversity
  • infrastructure
  • metropolitan
  • traditional values
  • overpopulation
  • innovation
  • networking opportunities
  • telecommuting
  • quality of life
  • economic disparity
  • environmental degradation
What to do next:
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