IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The population of major cities around the world is increasing very fastly. Why is this the case and what measures could be taken to solve this issue.

Globally,
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in several large
cities
Use synonyms
 has been growing exponentially, eventually
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 overcrowded.
This
Linking Words
 issue is the result of
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 healthcare system and relocation, which could be solved by developing some smaller
cities
Use synonyms
 to be good alternatives. In terms of causes, the over-
population
Use synonyms
 comes from the better quality of care and new
discovery
Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
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 in medical knowledge,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 grow from the
longlife
Correct word choice
apply
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elderly and newborns.
For example
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, Thais' baby mortality rate used to be more than 2 babies per 100,000
people
Use synonyms
, and the average life expectancy was around 72 years old in both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
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. In 2020, the newborn death rate decreased to 1.6 and the life expectancy rose to 77
in
Change preposition
on
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 average.
Consequently
Linking Words
, with more
people
Use synonyms
 born and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 alive, the
population
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 keeps rising.
In addition
Linking Words
, the growing
population
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 in major
cities
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 influenced by
relocation
Add an article
the relocation
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from less-developed
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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. It is inevitable for
working age
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 to move to the area that has more job opportunities, which normally is the larger towns or industrial areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, the three most densely populated
cities
Use synonyms
 are Bangkok, Chonburi and Chiangmai,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 half of the
people
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real residents,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 other half
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
seek for
Wrong verb form
seeking
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 employment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in large
cities
Use synonyms
, the issue is partly contributed by the relocation. As for
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
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, the most effective way to alleviate the overcrowded areas is to develop a new   In conclusion, the over-populated problem potentially
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by more
people
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 be saved at birth,
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 longer lives, and
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 in from other regions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should plan to distribute employment and infrastructure to
potential
Change the word
potentially
show examples
 smaller towns, which
also
Linking Words
 benefit
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 economy.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer and more comprehensive conclusion that sums up the key points more effectively.
task achievement
Include specific examples for the solutions you propose to illustrate their potential effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistent tense throughout your essay to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies key causes of urban overpopulation, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific statistical data adds credibility and relevance to your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan areas
  • infrastructure
  • job opportunities
  • rural-urban migration
  • standard of living
  • globalization
  • decentralization
  • urban planning
  • public transportation
  • sustainable development
  • affordable housing
  • population density
  • birth rates
  • death rates
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational opportunities
  • cultural attractions
  • housing policies
  • eco-friendly
What to do next:
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