IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their acheivements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, it can be seen that famous
people
Use synonyms
 are known for many other things which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not based on the success they achieved in their respective fields. I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the statement as
this
Linking Words
 is creating
false
Add an article
a false
the false
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 image of a
person
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 and
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation often
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to follow
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
. there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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very little knowledge on the other side of
glamourous
Add an article
the glamourous
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 world which is mostly hidden from normal
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is very important for a youth to follow a
person
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 with real
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievements
 and
strugle
Correct your spelling
struggles
, but it
is often deceive
Change the verb form
is often deceived
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 by the glittering lifestyle of a celeb
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 would not be a real face of a
person
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many social media
infulencers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 often depict a
high class
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high-class
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 living but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 they
also
Linking Words
 have huge loans and
sometime
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sometimes
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 just rent a property or a
high end
Add a hyphen
high-end
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 car for
somedays
Correct your spelling
some days
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, which is not shown to the outside world and
people
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 often try to follow the same without understand the background of
this
Linking Words
.
Along with
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this
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 brings a negative impact
of
Change preposition
on
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 an individual mind as it brings a perception of not being able to achieve the same social status which the famous
person
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 has and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 trying to achieve
this
Linking Words
 a
person
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 falls into the trap of scams and other
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 activities to earn money faster to be like
a
Change the article
an
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other
Change the wording
another person
other people
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person
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a struggling actor showcasing
the
Correct article usage
an
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 expensive watch to attract the attention of
people
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 and be
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 often
let to set
Verb problem
sets
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 a negative example and now other
people
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also
Linking Words
 get attracted to buy the product without understanding the moto
a
Correct article usage
apply
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person
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. In conclusion,
a
Change the article
an
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 actor and a sports
person
Use synonyms
 are related to the wealth they carry and not the actual success, I think
this
Linking Words
 sets a negative example for others as getting to a position
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a lot of struggle which is not taken into consideration or showcased.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas by using clear linking words and phrases. Advancing from one idea to the next can make your argument more effective.
task achievement
Make sure to support your ideas with specific examples and evidence. This will add credibility to your arguments and help to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Your main argument is clear and relevant, indicating a strong position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to present both sides of the issue, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • lifestyle
  • showcase
  • professional accomplishments
  • material wealth
  • talent
  • hard work
  • social media platforms
  • philanthropy
  • misguided standard
  • personal development
  • educational institutions
  • role models
  • integrity
  • community service
What to do next:
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