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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.

The chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.
The chart provides data on men and women who were employed , and the average
hours
Use synonyms
 per paid employment by marital status.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
while
Linking Words
 total paid workers' rates were the highest, indicators of unpaid work at home were the lowest in all years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,wives aged 24-44 were the biggest , with around 11 moments.
While
Linking Words
 rates of wives aged 24- 44 were similar to female brides aged 45 and 64.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the husbands aged 24-44 were higher, with 8
hours
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the spouse aged 45-64 was smaller , with approximately 6 durations. Turning to paid work , the second largest trend, the males aged 24- 44 to compare to the brides aged 24-44, had around 8
hours
Use synonyms
 and about 6
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.The consort aged 45-64 and the female partner aged 45-64 experienced approximately 8
hours
Use synonyms
 and around 7 periods.Regarding unpaid work at home were the lowest figure
.
Verb problem
was.
show examples
 The mates aged 24-44 and 45-64 were similar to each other , with 6
hours
Use synonyms
.The indicators of the bride aged 24-44 and the companion aged 45-64 were 5 periods and around 4
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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