IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays adults do little exercise. Some people believe that the best way to address this issue is by covering great sports events such as the olympics on Television.Others think that it is more beneficial to take other measures.what is your opinion?

Nowadays physical activities are very important for every
humans
Change to a singular noun
human
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 world
that is
Linking Words
 from kids to adults to overaged persons.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,limited activities can lead to many health problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity,cardiovascular problems,
hipper
Correct word choice
higher
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 tension and many more .
while
Linking Words
, some people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 to
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
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 to do training and organise sports events like state level competitions,and
also
Linking Words
 encourage them to
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
participate in
Correct article usage
the olympics
show examples
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
. First of all, in
this
Linking Words
 busy
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 people
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
very
Correct pronoun usage
it very
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 hard to get some time for themselves to do some
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.Usually peoples in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two decades
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
 can utilise their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 by doing house chores and
goes
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
 and in the meanwhile boys
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 football,
cycling
Correct word choice
and cycling
show examples
,and
also
Linking Words
they helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 their parents by doing groceries for their house.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 human beings in
this
Linking Words
 modern century
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hardly do some house chores as they have helpers to do all
Correct article usage
the works
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home and every-body
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 their leisure time by surfing social media and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 for hours. Some people never realise that they should motivate their kids in sports activities like cricket,football,
Correct word choice
and long-tennis
show examples
long-tennis
Correct your spelling
long tennis
show examples
.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
 the best way to encourage
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
by
Add a missing verb
is by
show examples
 covering great sports events
such
Linking Words
 as World Cup ,
Olympics
Correct word choice
and Olympics
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Television.
Lastly
Linking Words
, to summarise I clearly believe that adults should
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in exercise
according to
Linking Words
 their body types
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis .Even though adults can plan their timetable a week ahead and follow the schedule
accordingly
Linking Words
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating your opinion on the issue.
coherence
Organize your paragraphs better with clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples from sports events to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Avoid repetitive phrases such as 'adults should involve in exercise' and try to vary your vocabulary.
task achievement
You’ve identified relevant health issues related to limited exercise, which shows awareness of the topic.
task achievement
Your argument about the influence of sports events on motivation is relevant and thought-provoking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • high-profile
  • public awareness campaigns
  • gym memberships
  • workplace initiatives
  • government policies
  • tax incentives
  • local community events
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • motivation
  • successful athletes
  • broadcasting
  • inspire
  • subsidies
  • regular exercise
What to do next:
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