IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a lot of
Discusing
Correct your spelling
Discussion
 about
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who can provide
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 for children
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 age. In
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 days, there was
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
childcare
Use synonyms
 for the
fox
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of grandparents think
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 best way to get the careesrs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home,
Becase
Correct your spelling
because
 in the old
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 did not have
childcare
Use synonyms
. So that will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
change for
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 opinion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
old
Correct your spelling
Old Fox
show examples
fox
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the other hand
Linking Words
, new
parents
Use synonyms
thy
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
alwasy
Correct your spelling
always
 go to
childcare
Use synonyms
 if some Kid
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 it. They can
trus
Correct your spelling
try
 it and get the
fox
Use synonyms
 to
ther
Correct your spelling
their
childcare
Use synonyms
,
Also
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the new
parents
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did not
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 any old
mathed
Correct your spelling
matched
 to
care
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 kid if need it. The working
parents
Use synonyms
 or the old
fox
Use synonyms
Are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
know the way to
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 the child good
care
Use synonyms
fot
Correct your spelling
for
 them,
Becase
Correct your spelling
because
 in the old day
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 did not have the
childcare
Use synonyms
 like right now.
Body paragraph 2
Now in my opinion
evrey
Correct your spelling
every
parents
Use synonyms
 know what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best for his child. Like my
parents
Use synonyms
 they
love
Wrong verb form
loved
show examples
 to
care
Use synonyms
and
Change preposition
for and
show examples
 look
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 me at home when I was six years old,
Also
Linking Words
 my youngest brother
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is like 7 years
now
Correct word choice
old now
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
Our
parents
Use synonyms
 they going with him
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
childcare
Use synonyms
 it
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
show examples
 for them now.
However
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
care
Use synonyms
 is
beater
Correct your spelling
better
show examples
 now,
thy
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
provided
 all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
care
Use synonyms
 for the children.
Conclusion
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the end, every now
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 should
provid
Correct your spelling
provide
 all the
care
Use synonyms
 for the children. I should say the
childcare
Use synonyms
 now is
nicesr
Correct your spelling
nicer
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 before. On the
aother
Correct your spelling
other
 hand
evrey
Correct your spelling
every
Use synonyms
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
show examples
 what the best for
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
fox
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction needs to clearly state the topic and outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. A clearer thesis statement will help guide your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one clear idea. Each paragraph should relate back to your main argument and contribute to the overall discussion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning the benefits of childcare centers or the emotional support grandparents might provide can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for consistent grammatical structures and spelling errors. Improving these aspects will make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for this task, showing that you understand the topic.
task achievement
You included your own opinion, which is a requirement of the essay prompt.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childcare centres
  • pre-school age
  • structured learning environment
  • educational activities
  • socialize
  • interact
  • peers
  • committed schedule
  • drop-off
  • pick-up
  • loving
  • nurturing
  • individualized attention
  • cultural
  • familial traditions
  • flexible
  • accommodating
  • intergenerational bond
  • support system
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