IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that
,
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apply
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 these days, it is commonly believed that one of the negative effects of enhanced medical care is that people are living longer than in the past. At the same time, life expectancy is rising with many new inventions and developments.
This
Linking Words
 article completely agrees with
this
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 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both points of view will be discussed. On the one hand, it is argued by some nations that many benefits appeared
due to
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 the modern improved hospitals that help patients to
increasing
Change the verb form
increase
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 their average lives
such
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 as the monitoring system of several vital parts in
human
Add an article
the human
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 body which help doctors in the healing process.
Moreover
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, it has become possible to fix numerous complex diseases
by
Change preposition
with
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fastest
Correct article usage
the fastest
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 machines
instead
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 of months of medical care.
For example
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, statistics provided by Harvard University showed the time required to heal patients from Cancer in Canada in 2000 compared to 2024.
it is clear that
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 the difference between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 years was about 500% faster and better results. highlighting the importance of improved medical care.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, several experts hold the opposite view that increasing life
expectany
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 can be dangerous by
this
Linking Words
 method. because it will be more expensive
on
Change preposition
for
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 governments to improve their healthcare services with
rising
Add an article
the rising
a rising
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 number of over 63 years old people.
In addition
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, the newest ways in the hospitals may have some
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
 on the societies.
such
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 as
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 their memory capacity.

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task achievement
Consider more clearly defining your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your claims, which will help to reinforce your points.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some use of relevant examples shows engagement with the topic, particularly the statistics from Harvard University.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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