These days there is a growing trend among people to leave their jobs and return to education. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
Linking Words
fast-paced world that we live in, there have been many major developments in various industries that
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
constant
update
Fix the agreement mistake
updates
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
there is a commonly held belief that many individuals are resigning from their jobs to pursue higher
education
Use synonyms
, there are
also
Linking Words
others that
opposes
Change the verb form
oppose
show examples
it. I argue, that the benefits of
this
Linking Words
trend outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the primary advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
trend is that
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
can get a better opportunity to improve their career prospects.
In other words
Linking Words
, enrolling
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
tertiary
education
Use synonyms
can have a significant impact on people to move ahead on the career ladder.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, being a specialist in a certain field will definitely lead to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality of work
as well as
Linking Words
enhance their knowledge with the
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
show examples
developments within the field.
For instance
Linking Words
, a cardiologist
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to undergo a residency program after completion of medical school, where excessive practice with technical machinery is given to become a specialist
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
a consultant. The more knowledge individuals acquire, the better job opportunities they get. Another point to consider
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is that the
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
impact of
this
Linking Words
trend can have on their quality of life in the long term. It is
also
Linking Words
possible to say that there is no need to work for longer hours and
this
Linking Words
helps to lower stress levels and exhaustion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, allowing them to have a better social life, enhance their physical and mental health and be able
connect
Add the particle
to connect
show examples
with their family members and friends.
In addition
Linking Words
, to the
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
working
hours
Add a comma
hours,
show examples
a much higher salary is rewarded after completion of their advanced
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, history teachers in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
public schools tend to have a much lower salary compared to a professor in Modern History after completion of their doctorate degree in the United States of America.
Hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
leads to better
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
benefits. In conclusion, despite people having different views on leaving their work to commence their learning, I believe that there are more merits than offsets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it creates better career opportunities
as well as
Linking Words
the
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
benefits it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
into their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to proofread your essay to correct small spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'empolyees' should be 'employees', 'Futhermore' should be 'Furthermore', 'lastest' should be 'latest'). This will improve your clarity and overall impression.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to your main argument. This will help to enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In your examples, aim for more detail or linkage between the example and the point you are making. This will strengthen your argument considerably.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument that the advantages of returning to education outweigh the disadvantages, which is a strong approach to addressing the task.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the comparison between teachers and professors, helps illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: