Large companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is becoming increasingly common for companies to organize
events
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to introduce their goods.
However
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, some say that it has drawbacks
on
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in
show examples
sports. To some extent, I personally disagree with
this
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view. On the one hand, many products
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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introduced, give financial support for
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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development.
In other words
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,
such
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events
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may attract investors and following that, it helps develop
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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activities like
box
Wrong verb form
boxing
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, football and others.
For example
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, today
events
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like
marathon
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marathons
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can help
in
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on
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the biggest scale and
this
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collected money helps improve facilities,
offer
Correct word choice
and offer
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better training opportunities, allowing more people to participate and excel.
Consequently
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, unknown
sportsman
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sportsmen
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can get a chance to achieve
goal
Add an article
the goal
a goal
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to be
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of being
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the best.
On the other hand
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,
this
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event can help to create
other type
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another type
other types
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of
sport
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and some training courses.
That is
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to say, with good help and proper financial support people may open and create new mixed activities which would make
this
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in
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at
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the
globe
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global
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level.
For instance
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, traditional wrestling, which is originally from Uzbekistan.
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Initially
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Initially,
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this
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sport
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was popular among
Uzbek
Correct article usage
the Uzbek
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nation and after several years of promotion and
fund
Wrong verb form
funding
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, nowadays it takes place
the
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among the
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top ten
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities in the world. Given that, advertisement of goods may introduce
this
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sport
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to the world and encourage some
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
individuals. In conclusion, the products
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertised
show examples
in
such
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events
Use synonyms
may get a chance not only for
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
,
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apply
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but
also
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, showing these items helps to elevate
this
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sport
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on
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to
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the top.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points. While you have provided some good examples, expanding on them or including additional examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and syntax. There are some small inaccuracies and awkward phrases throughout your essay that could be corrected for better clarity and professionalism.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your opinion effectively.
content
You provide some relevant examples that support your argument, particularly in relation to sponsorship and the development of new sports.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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