IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects, in addition to their main subjects. All this believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these wheels and give your own opinion .

Albert Einstein once said ''
Education
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 is not about learning facts it is about training our mind to think.''. But nowadays
education
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 has become a stressful experience for students. The truth is that some university students want to learn about other
subjects
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in addition
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 to their main
subjects
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.
Although
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 others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
Firstly
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 academic
subjects
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 are important for students who aim for professional
carrier
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careers
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,
such
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 as becoming doctors and engineers. But in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 we should learn
non academic
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non-academic
show examples
subjects
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 like physical
education
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 ,
cookery
Correct word choice
and cookery
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 because
it
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they
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 can improve our communication, teamwork, and leadership skills.
For
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example
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example,
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 even if someone becomes a doctor with high grades , they still need soft skills to interact with patients. without these their job
maybe
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may be
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 stressful and overwhelming.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 life skills
such
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 as cooking
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
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education
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 are essential to maintain a healthy life and to stay fit by managing stress. But some people believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying. I strongly disagree with
this
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 view because if we do
this
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 the only outcome will be a world with many
introvert
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introverts
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.
This
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 is why we need
non academics
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non-academics
show examples
 because we
need
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need to
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 learn to engage with others,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 we need some time to relax.
In
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addition
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addition,
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this
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 can lead to serious health issues
as
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such as
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 depression, anxiety or heart problems. in
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I believe that schools should programme a balanced curriculum that includes both academic and
non academic
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non-academic
show examples
subjects
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 to make a healthy society in future.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring the essay to ensure a clearer flow of ideas. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the overall argument and be well connected to the previous and following paragraphs.
task response
Make sure to provide a more balanced view in the discussion of both sides. While you have presented your opinion, ensure you present opposing views more thoroughly before refuting them.
task achievement
Increase the range of vocabulary used. Using varied vocabulary will not only enhance your expression but also help to convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Pay attention to punctuation and capitalization. Minor errors can distract from the main ideas, such as capitalizing 'without' at the beginning of a sentence and ensuring proper spacing.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion on the topic, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the need for soft skills in the medical profession.
task response
Overall, you engage with the prompt effectively and maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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