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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment

The charts below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment
The chart gives information about the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked per day by married
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in paid employment. It compares both paid and unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 for four different age groups. The most noticeable trend is that
women
Use synonyms
 do more unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 at home than
men
Use synonyms
 in all age groups,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 generally do more paid
work
Use synonyms
. The total number of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked is quite similar for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
, especially in the 45–64 age group. Wives aged 24–44 do about 3
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 more than their husbands.
This
Linking Words
 is the biggest gap, even though their total
hours
Use synonyms
 are almost the same.
Women
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 group
also
Linking Words
 do slightly less paid
work
Use synonyms
, at around 6
hours
Use synonyms
 a day.
In contrast
Linking Words
, husbands aged 45–64 do the most paid
work
Use synonyms
, with around 9
hours
Use synonyms
 a day,
while
Linking Words
 their unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 is the lowest. Wives in the same group do fewer paid
hours
Use synonyms
, but they do about 5
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
, making their total
hours
Use synonyms
 slightly more than their husbands.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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