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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Analyze and give band- some say that music, art and drama are as important as school subjects, especially at the primary level. do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been growing recognition of the importance of creative subjects
such
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 as
music
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, art and
drama
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 in early education. I firmly agree that artistic disciplines hold equal value particularly, at the primary level. First of all, creative subjects play a vital role in the complete development of children. at the primary
level
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level,
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 children are still discovering their personalities and learning how to express themselves.
Music
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, art and
drama
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 will give the children an effective opening for
self expression
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self-expression
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.
for example
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, acting in a play allows young learners to communicate the ideas that they might struggle to put into words. these activities
also
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 promote
team wwork
Correct your spelling
teamwork
 when the students perform in group projects.
secondly
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, creative education can enhance logical development.
Music
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 can improve your memory.
student
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a student
the student
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 who participates in
such
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 activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend to do better in other subjects as well.
for
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example
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example,
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 engaging in
drama
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 can improve your language skills and speaking abilities.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that the primary focus should be on academics, which leads to good qualifications and career opportunities. in conclusion, I believe that
music
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, art and
drama
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 are as essential as other academic education. Because they support intellectual, logical, social and emotional knowledge as well.

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Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly outlining your stance and providing a brief overview of the key points that will be discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points, which will enhance the persuasive quality of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use appropriate capitalisation and grammar throughout to improve readability and professionalism.
Task Achievement
You effectively expressed a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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