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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the ‎causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.‎

In recent years, outdoor activities have become more appealing than indoor ones.
This
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 essay will discuss two main causes of
this
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 issue: a busy work schedule and an active social life.
Additionally
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, it will analyze the effects of
this
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 phenomenon on the individuals and
people
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 around them.
To begin
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 with, it is evident that in today's fast-paced world,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are finding it more challenging to make free
moment
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moments
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.
While
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 adults must dedicate their
life
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lives
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 to working harder for higher salaries or promotion opportunities, children tend to spend more
time
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 playing with their friends outside the house.
For example
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, employees can be sent on business trips,
whereas
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 youngsters may visit their friends' houses and stay there.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 do have spare
moment
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moments
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, the opportunity to meet up with friends and spend quality
time
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 together seems more appealing than simply going home and procrastinating. From my perspective,
this
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 trend does have effects on both individuals and society.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who tend to spend more
time
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 outdoors suffer less from heart-related illnesses and being overweight.
Secondly
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, statistics show that these individuals generally have better moods.
Moreover
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, a society full of
such
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people
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 is less likely to face problems related to low immunity levels.
For instance
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, African tribes composed of very active
people
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 are less affected by cancer-related diseases. In conclusion,
this
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 phenomenon has some positive effects on our community.
To sum up
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, the tendency to spend less
time
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 at home is not a real problem. Because as
this
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 essay showed above
this
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 trend has only positive outcomes. At long
last
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,
this
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 essay examined the causes of
this
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 phenomenon and its effect on
community
Add an article
the community
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the main causes but could be slightly more refined to better reflect the complexity of the topic. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to include a summary of the impacts as well.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs clearly indicate their focus and flow logically from one to the next. For example, consider using transitional phrases to enhance the connection between causes and effects.
task achievement
Some examples and points made could benefit from deeper analysis or elaboration. For instance, expand on how social life impacts mental health more broadly.
task achievement
You have identified clear causes and effects related to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This demonstrates an understanding of the essay format.
task achievement
Your commitment to supporting your points with examples, such as referencing African tribes, adds depth to your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job demands
  • work-life balance
  • remote working
  • digital entertainment
  • public spaces
  • urbanization
  • social and recreational options
  • networking
  • commuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • extroverted societal expectation
  • cafes and coworking spaces
  • smaller living spaces
  • cultural changes
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