IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taught how to cook at school. Others argue that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Teaching many different skills like cooking in various schools is common worldwide. A group of families see
this
Linking Words
 program as an essential part of a person’s life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people suggest
school
Use synonyms
 has to focus on scientific education.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay both views will be discussed. Learning how to
cook
Use synonyms
 is an essential life skill which helps children to be able to provide a meal for themselves at home when they are alone. Nowadays, in most developed countries both parents work for long hours and have little
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to
cook
Use synonyms
 homemade food for their children.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 an effective way to encourage children not to get used to eating fast foods and other unhealthy alternatives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe schools are only a place for scientific education and students’ time should not
be allocate
Change the verb form
be allocated
show examples
 for other unnecessary activities
such
Linking Words
 as cooking.
Thus
Linking Words
, learning how to
cook
Use synonyms
 can only distract children’s attention from what they
initially
Linking Words
 sent to
school
Use synonyms
 for like mathematics, physics and other topics. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 teaching how to
cook
Use synonyms
 meals at
school
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial to some extent for students, there are more important issues in schools that parents expect their children’s time spared for. I believe by orienting disagree families and
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 the health benefits of teaching how to
cook
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, unsatisfied families might change their opinion and join the program.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments about the benefits of cooking skills and the disadvantages of not having them in schools.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using clearer topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the quality of your writing.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly and organized your thoughts logically, which is important for essay writing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and aims to present a balanced view, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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