Topic 10. In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

Many countries support elderly

people

Use synonyms

to continue in their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

and not retire early to work longer . In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working elderly for a long time. A late retirement is

benefit

Change the article

a benefit

show examples

for both the older employee and

employer

Use synonyms

. For the older

employee

Add a comma

employee,

show examples

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

them in psychological and

mentally

Change the word

mental

show examples

health.

For example

Linking Words

, working as

accountant

Add an article

an accountant

the accountant

show examples

will support their mental health and preserve their brain from symptoms

such

Linking Words

as Alzheimer's disease.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

it will

reduces

Change the verb form

reduce

show examples

the level of depression and loneliness.

In addition

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

old

people

Use synonyms

have a

huge

Fix the agreement mistake

lot of

show examples

experience in many things

For instance

Linking Words

, in relations or in deals . Older

people

Use synonyms

have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

experience

help

Fix the infinitive

to help

show examples

them to make

wised

Replace the word

wise

show examples

descions

Correct your spelling

decisions

and make the

employer

Use synonyms

earn money .

on the other hand

Linking Words

, there

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

a dark side

for

Change preposition

show examples

work for late retirement

such

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

weakness

Use synonyms

and forgetfulness. Many

people

Use synonyms

when they get old their bodies tired and become more

Use synonyms

weakness

Replace the word

weak

show examples

. They

diagnosed

Add a missing verb

are diagnosed

show examples

with diseases

such

Linking Words

as blood intention or diabetes .

This

Linking Words

weakness

Use synonyms

will lead to

forget

Change the verb form

forgetting

show examples

crucial information .

Furthermore

Linking Words

. That will make Them feel depressed because they will feel they

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

capability to continue the job .

To sum up

Linking Words

every thing

Correct your spelling

everything

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

two sides dark and light sides . For

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Late retirement , both employees and

employer

Use synonyms

have

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

such

Linking Words

as keeping occupied for the employee and

earn

Wrong verb form

earning

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

experience for the

employer

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

the

disadvantages

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantage

show examples

is getting old will lead to

weakness

Use synonyms

and forgetfulness which may damage the deals.

rawannaser99Wed May 07 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Rewrite the introduction to clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages of working longer, rather than simply stating you will discuss them.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize the body paragraphs more clearly, possibly dedicating one paragraph to advantages and another to disadvantages for better logical flow.

Grammar and Vocabulary

Use more varied vocabulary and correct grammar to enhance the clarity of your ideas; for example, use 'benefit' instead of 'benefit for' and 'experienced' instead of 'a huge experience'.

Task Achievement

Consider adding more specific examples in each point to illustrate your arguments more effectively, which will strengthen your points.

Content

You provide a good introductory statement that presents the topic clearly, indicating you will discuss both sides of the argument.

Content

The body paragraphs contain valuable insights into the effects of late retirement on mental health and experience.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

261 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore school should not waste valuable time having sports as part of curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sports play an indispensable role in promoting health and overall well-being. The debate over whether parents or schools should bear the responsibility for children's physical activities remains contentious. However, I strongly disagree with the view that schools should exclude sports from their curricula. Instead, I believe that the responsibility for children's physical health should be a shared effort between both schools and parents. This essay will argue why it is essential to include sports as part of the academic curriculum while also emphasizing the role of parents in fostering their children's physical well-being.
7
band
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programms ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Voluntary work is integral to learning, and, therefore, it is becoming increasingly prevalent nowadays. While many people argue that sophomores should stick to their curriculum instead of participating in charity work, which includes defying community issues and becoming children's sports educationists, I firmly am of the view that high schoolers should undertake such programs as these toils have a positive effect overall.
7
band
Nowadays, news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people's lives and should receive more funding.' To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Currently, the print media invest more money in publishing global news. However, it is argued that domestic news deserves more coverage and funding than the foreign updates . This essay agrees with this statement as it is the only source of local updates for people and it improves the relationship between the government and its citizens.
8
band
You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him how you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter: - Say how you feel about his performance - give details of your musical activities - explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities.
I am Shweta Bhat, who went to your concert which was held on 25th Dec,24 at the Waterloo Park. I am writing to inform you that I liked your singing among all the singers at the concert.
7
band
The sale and use of hard drugs are prohibited in many countries, but tobacco and alcohol are sold and consumed Governments should apply laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?
It is often debated that the production and consumption of tobacco and alcohol should be banned all around the globe along with other harmful drugs for the safety of society. Even I strongly abide that this is the only solution to many socio-economic problems.

Topic 10. In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore school should not waste valuable time having sports as part of curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programms ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) to what extent do you agree or disagree?

The sale and use of hard drugs are prohibited in many countries, but tobacco and alcohol are sold and consumed Governments should apply laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?