IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.

The bar graph compares the salt
intake
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in the nine
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2019. It can clearly be seen that during the whole period,
while
Linking Words
 both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 showed an upward and downward trend with
age
Use synonyms
 in salt
intake
Use synonyms
, the figures for
women
Use synonyms
 were lower than those of
men
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Looking first at the figures for
men
Use synonyms
 in salt
intake
Use synonyms
, we can see that in the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, the figure for
men
Use synonyms
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1600mg, which was below the recommended daily
intake
Use synonyms
 of 3200mg. It increased with
age
Use synonyms
 to around 5000mg in the 30-39
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. It decreased to approximately 4000mg in the over-70
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. Turning to the figures for
women
Use synonyms
, we can see
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
similar but slightly different trends. In the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 was slightly lower than that of
men
Use synonyms
, at around 1200. In the older
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, it grew to around 5000mg in the 30-39
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, being 1000mg lower than that for
men
Use synonyms
. It gradually fell to around 2300mg in the
group
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 70 years old, whose number is the recommended daily
intake
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words intake, men, women, age, group, mg with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • salt intake
  • age groups
  • men
  • women
  • bar chart
  • trend
  • significant differences
  • consume
  • notable
  • variations
  • highest
  • lowest
  • implications
  • health
  • long-term effects
  • recommendations
  • demographics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: