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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The two pies illustrate information related to
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kindom
according to
Linking Words
 their age over a 20-year period from 1983 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the majority of
visitors
Use synonyms
between
Add a missing verb
were between
show examples
 35 to 54
years
Use synonyms
 old in the given period. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, a small
fractions
Correct the article-noun agreement
fraction
show examples
 of the
percentage
Use synonyms
 for the
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were between 0-10 and 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old . In 1983, half of the individuals were between 35-
54
Correct word choice
and 54
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 old
also
Linking Words
 it cosider as the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared to other categories.
while
Linking Words
 children less than 15
years
Use synonyms
 old had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10%. Both 55+ and 25-34
years
Use synonyms
 old had
approximatley
Correct your spelling
approximately
 the same
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
. From 1983 to 2003, the number of
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
 had slightly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 were between 35-54
years
Use synonyms
 old. It decreased from 50% to 35%.
whereas
Linking Words
,
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-24
years
Use synonyms
 old category had
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 11
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 compared to 1983.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, years, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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