The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, some people have contended that employees should have a longer weekend and shorter working week. I firmly disagree
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this
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with this
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statement since reducing the time of working not only reduces working productivity but
also
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decreases corporate revenue. First and foremost, shortening the workweek can significantly reduce
overall
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productivity. Notably, most
companies
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rely on the
consistently
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consistent
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input of manual
labors
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labourers
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, and by reducing working hours, some of these services will be intervened and postponed to wait for the break.
For example
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, industries like manufacturing and healthcare require
the
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apply
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longer working hours to offer services or
fulfill
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fulfil
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orders. If don't, eventually, it not only decreases
wokers'
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workers'
efficiency as they require time to
go
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get
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back on track
,
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apply
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but
also
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lead
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leads
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to
consumers
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consumer
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dissatisfication
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dissatisfaction
.
Moreover
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, the shorter workweek poses threats to
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companies
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companies'
company's
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overall
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revenue. Less working hours mean
less
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fewer
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products to produce, and it is detrimental to the operation of
companies
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as they might not have enough income for sustainability.
For example
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, if a clothing
manufacture
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manufacturing
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factory in Taiwan chooses to provide a longer break, it will become less competitive and
loss
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lose
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their
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its
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opportunities to thrive in the dynamic clothing market.
Therefore
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, only by extending the working time for employees can it
ensures
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ensure
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that gaining
adequant
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adequate
revenue to stay remain. In conclusion, some argue that it is reasonable for workers to acquire longer
weekend
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weekends
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and work shorter,
while
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I firmly disagree with
this
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idea. Since the short workweek not only lowers workers' productivity
,
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apply
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but
also
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enables
companies
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to gain enough profits to maintain
operating
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operations
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but it could be stronger by providing a brief outline of the main points you will discuss in your essay. Adding a summary of your arguments can help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some of your transitions could be smoother. For example, using linking words like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' at the beginning of your second point may improve the coherence of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are fully developed to make your arguments more persuasive. You have good examples, but elaborating on them a bit more, like discussing the potential implications of your examples, could strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'wokers' should be 'workers', 'dissatisfication' should be 'dissatisfaction'). These mistakes can distract the reader from your main ideas. Proofreading your essay for such errors can improve the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic by clearly stating your position against a shorter working week and provides reasons to support your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You presented relevant examples, which are essential for supporting your arguments and showcasing your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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