IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

While
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 there is a group of
people
Use synonyms
 who contend that animal
experiments
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 must be banned
due to
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 being
unmoral
Replace the word
immoral
show examples
.
However
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, some individuals think that testing on
animals
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in scientific
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
.
This
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 essay will point out the fact that the experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be outlawed because of
detering
Correct your spelling
deterring
people
Use synonyms
 from having potential risks which derive from some mistakes during
experiments
Use synonyms
 and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 replace an
Use synonyms
animals'
Change noun form
animal's
show examples
 role in science. First of all, it must be recognized that most crucial achievements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human well-being have been made from animal
experiments
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 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 safety for scientists and being reliable before testing on
people
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, all
experiments
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 have
initially
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 some mistakes or troubles
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 theory, which can have negatively potent effects on experimental objects. If we have experimentation on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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instead
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 of
animals
Use synonyms
, there may be some death. It
also
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 cannot be denied that there are some
animals
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having
Wrong verb form
that have
show examples
 nearly similar genes to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, which plants do not have.
Thus
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, the
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be replaced in science. It is evident that
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 often
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 testing on the IQ of chimpanzees or medicine
trial
Fix the agreement mistake
trials
show examples
 on them because
its gene
Fix the agreement mistake
their genes
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 mostly
same
Correct article usage
the same
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to
Change preposition
as
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Additionally
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, it can be clearly seen that there are some
comestic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
domestic
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 on
animals
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, the trial
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be prohibited
due to
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 the ability to remove potential risks during testing and not being replaced.

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task achievement
The introduction is somewhat clear, but you might want to rephrase it for better clarity. Instead of saying 'group of people who contend', consider simpler phrases like 'some people argue'. Additionally, ensure your thesis statement is concise and clearly states your position.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use transition words (such as 'firstly', 'moreover', 'in conclusion') to improve the flow of your arguments. For example, at the beginning of each paragraph, use these to indicate the beginning of a new point.
task achievement
The examples provided, while relevant, could be elaborated on for clarity and depth. For instance, when mentioning testing on chimpanzees, you could explain more about why these similarities matter for the research.
task achievement
You have presented a clear stance on the issue and provided reasons supporting your viewpoint, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Your discussion on the similarities between animals and humans adds depth to your argument, showing critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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