IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these days, it is commonly believed that a large amount of care time and budget are
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on the security of numerous animals. Many people think that it is wasting money and could be better
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spent on
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
. At the same, it is argued by some that it is essential to take care of other
creaturs
Correct your spelling
creatures
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 article completely disagrees with the idea. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, these points of view will be discussed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is considered by several that a huge number of money is expended every year to
offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 a suitable environment for animals.
Then
Linking Words
, nations can consume it and
reaching
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 the natural balance of the earth with a variety of animals.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it is
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 factor
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the government's budget, so, many people
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 of less interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are several poor families in every country who need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 provided statistics by Harvard University
showed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the percentage of poor houses in the USA in 2021 by 15% of the total population which
highlighting
Wrong verb form
highlights
show examples
 the importance
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential to take care of creatures
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere.
Although
Linking Words
 in the natural regions or building particular places to protect them because they are vital
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the environment and economy sectors.
However
Linking Words
, many Japanese experts indicated that the primary solution is balancing between every outcome
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 but
that
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not mean reducing the city budget on other important facilities.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is necessary to take into consideration the stability of
authorities
Change noun form
authorities'
authority's
show examples
 spending rate between human requirements and other
orgnisims
Correct your spelling
organisms
 because numerous people have the advantage in some situations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. It's important to express whether you agree or disagree right at the onset.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your paragraphs by using clearer topic sentences and connecting phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. General references to statistics or expert opinions can be stronger with specific data or anecdotes that illustrate the issue better.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view and enhances the complexity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: