IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree?

Many argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should cut the financial resources allocated to local environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 and redirect those funds towards demanding global challenges like climate change. The essay partly agrees because both local and global environmental problems are mutual and require
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
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 approach to ensure sustainable development. Local environmental
issues
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as air and water pollution and deforestation, directly impact communities' health and livelihoods. Neglecting these problems could lead to immediate crises, including disease outbreaks and ecosystem collapse.
For example
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, the most polluted Akaki
river
Capitalize word
River
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Ethiopia
affect
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affects
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 drinking water and
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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 population downstream of the main city
put
Verb problem
is
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 at risk of health
issues
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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, global ecosystem
issues
Use synonyms
 should be regarded , as well . Rising temperatures, extreme weather events, ozone layer depletion and plastic pollution threaten the entire planet.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 ought to allocate significant funds to mitigate these effects through plenty
organizations
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of organizations
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, which are major
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these pressing challenges.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2024 During COP-29 global warming
issues
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have been
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were
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 considered and
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 from all over the world
aims
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aimed
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 to set a new
finance
Replace the word
financial
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 goal that unlocks the trillions of dollars they need
,
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apply
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 and provides confidence it will be delivered to make
environment
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the environment
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better
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a better
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 place to live. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 global warming demands urgent action, local environmental problems cannot be overlooked. A strategic and balanced allocation of resources is key to addressing both effectively.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the issue; however, you could better elaborate on the mutual benefits of addressing both issues for a more comprehensive view.
coherence and cohesion
In your second paragraph, the connection between local issues and their direct impact on communities is well made, but it would be helpful if you more clearly linked these local problems to the global context later on.
task achievement
In the third paragraph, consider expanding on the mechanisms through which governments can cooperate globally to tackle climate change, rather than just mentioning organizations. This will enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Some grammatical inconsistencies exist. For instance, 'the most polluted Akaki river in the Ethiopia...' should read 'the most polluted Akaki River in Ethiopia...'. Make sure to proofread for such errors.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced argument, acknowledging both local and global environmental issues and their importance.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the Akaki River and COP-29, adds depth to your argument, making it more engaging and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urgent issues
  • global warming
  • local environmental problems
  • funding
  • redirecting funds
  • broader environmental health
  • financial efficiency
  • return on investment
  • cost-effective
  • holistic approach
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • resource allocation
  • long-term consequences
  • short-term impacts
  • competing environmental concerns
What to do next:
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