IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the government of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is undeniable that
economy
Use synonyms
, curriculum and wellness are significant for poor
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 improvement.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should support developing
countries
Use synonyms
 around their borders. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that high-income
countries
Use synonyms
 take care of low-income
countries
Use synonyms
 around their area by
promote
Change the verb form
promoting
show examples
 the
economy
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the governments of developing
countries
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to enhance their macroeconomics. On the one hand, the richer
countries
Use synonyms
 should take care of the poorer nations by
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 including importing in order to increase their GDP.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can use that fund to develop their
countries
Use synonyms
 in well-being, education or trading. Once they have
power
Add an article
a power
the power
show examples
 supply, they
also
Linking Words
 boost the
economy
Use synonyms
 of richer nations
such
Linking Words
 as,
firstly
Linking Words
, importing is one of economic growth in some
countries
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, tourism, once their
economy
Use synonyms
 is good,
people
Use synonyms
 from their
countries
Use synonyms
 can come to visit and boost the richer
countries
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
education
Change preposition
regarding education
show examples
, some
countries
Use synonyms
 need to send their
people
Use synonyms
 to study in the
country
Use synonyms
 which developing in
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
 in order that make more quality
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
come back to improve their
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the leadership of developing
countries
Use synonyms
 have to enhance their GDP in
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 by
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 inside the
country
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
 for the purpose of knowledge, it can
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 their
country
Use synonyms
 if they have quality populations. There are many
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
, resulting in poor government and development
was stuck
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, sustainable development
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only
do
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 by developed
countries
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 needs to collaborate to solve the problem because
this
Linking Words
 is beyond to economic
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
, but it is the global
economy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure that they directly respond to the question. Make explicit connections between your arguments and the responsibilities of richer nations.
coherence
Improve the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Clear signposting will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments, especially when discussing how trade and education could benefit poorer nations.
content
You have a clear opinion and structure to your essay that outlines both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • development
  • poorer nations
  • government
  • richer nations
  • responsibility
  • assistance
  • capacity
  • resources
  • collaboration
  • effective
  • sustainable
  • shared
  • non-governmental organizations
  • empowering
  • local governments
  • communities
  • investing
  • infrastructure
  • capacity-building
  • financial aid
  • technical expertise
  • knowledge transfer
  • improvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: