IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

The
internet
Use synonyms
 can be an unwelcoming place for
children
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
content
Correct article usage
the content
show examples
 that it contains. Nowadays, many
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to give their
children
Use synonyms
 devices without enabling parental control, thereby putting their mental health and social development at risk.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze the effects of
this
Linking Words
 trend and suggest possible solutions. Cyberbullying is one of the main
threats
Use synonyms
 of the
internet
Use synonyms
, and anyone can be
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by it nowadays.
For example
Linking Words
, statistics show that 1 out of 3
internet
Use synonyms
 users was
cyberbulied
Correct your spelling
cyberbullied
cyber bullied
 before.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youngsters
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy prey for peers
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of social experience. Not preventing cyberbullying in time by parent
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 may result in problems with mental health for the victim.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many more potential
threats
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as online predators. It is evident that in today's fast-paced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many online predators. Without parental oversight,
children
Use synonyms
 are vulnerable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online predators. To solve
this
Linking Words
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
 actions must be taken by
parents
Use synonyms
. To defend their offspring from
internet
Use synonyms
threats
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 must manage their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 devices and educate them about online
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Supervisors can implement parental control and monitor software to limit access to harmful content and prevent any type of harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their offspring.
For instance
Linking Words
, kids whose
parents
Use synonyms
 managed their
internet
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 are less likely to be victims of
cyberbullyind
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
 and other
internet
Use synonyms
threats
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is not a safe place for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
youngsters and can negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 them.
However
Linking Words
, educating
children
Use synonyms
 about online
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and encouraging them to report harmful interactions can help mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on ideas and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, include statistics or real-world cases related to cyberbullying and online predators.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that grammatical structures are correct to enhance clarity. Consider correcting minor errors such as 'effected' to 'affected' and 'for' to 'to' in certain contexts.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the transition between sentences and ideas to improve flow. This can involve using more varied cohesive devices or transitional phrases.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The identification of major threats such as cyberbullying and online predators reflects a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised
  • cyberbullying
  • online predators
  • inappropriate content
  • monitoring software
  • parental controls
  • addiction
  • screen time
  • socialization skills
  • misinformation
  • critical thinking
  • evaluate sources
  • age-appropriate
  • harmful interactions
  • excessive usage
  • real-life social skills
  • physical and mental health
  • offline activities
  • personal information
What to do next:
Look at other essays: