IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

In recent years, gaining admission to universities has become increasingly competitive. The essay's negative consequences
such
Linking Words
 as excessive stress,
mental-health
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mental health
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 problems ,
losing
Verb problem
and loss of
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 both confidence and integrity, outweigh any potential benefits. One of the most concerning effects of heightened
university
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competition
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 is the immense pressure it
effects
Verb problem
has
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 on
students
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 . Many young people suffer from anxiety, depression, and burnout as they struggle to meet unrealistic academic
score
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scores
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. The fear of failure becomes overwhelming, leading to sleep deprivation, emotional breakdowns and in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts. Education should encourage growth, not damage
students
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' well-being.
For instance
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, In 2014, 130 full-time
university
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students
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 committed suicide in England and Wales. It is specified that 97 boys and 33 girls took their own lives . The worst part is how
this
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competition
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 hurts
students
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' self-worth. When teenagers get rejected by universities, they often feel like personal failures.
This
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 can destroy their confidence and make them lose motivation . The problem is that society acts like getting into a top
university
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 is the only way to be successful .
This
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 ignores other good options like
talants
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talents
, art programs or starting a business - paths that might be better for many
students
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. The growing
competition
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 for
university
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 admission has serious negative consequences, including mental health
collapces
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collapses
collapse
, a flawed education system and declining self-feels. Rather than encouraging unhealthy
competition
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, universities and governments should focus on creating fairer admission processes, reducing exam pressure and ensuring equal opportunities for all
students
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 . Education should
enphasize
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emphasise
 talent, not destroy well-being in the pursuit of prestige .

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your argument by providing more evidence or examples to support your claims about the negative consequences of competition.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain proper spacing between words in your essay and improve grammatical accuracy to strengthen your overall presentation.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and transitions to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly articulates the negative implications of increased university competition, providing a strong standpoint.
task achievement
You presented a compelling real-world example, which adds weight to your argument about the severe consequences of stress among students.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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