IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

School canteens should only sell healthy snacks and beverages. Do you agree or disagree ?

In recent years, healthy
food
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 and drink should be only sold by
school
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canteens
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. The healthy
food
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 is really good for student's health. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with
this
Linking Words
 Linking Words
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
show examples
 of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score. viewpoint and will now set out some examples of the benefits of healthy
snacks
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 and
beverages
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 to support that reasoning. It is vital to understand that
food
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 and drink which are good for health must be recognized by the
school
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because, the monitor analyses the quality of products and
then
Linking Words
school
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canteens
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 will be sold products,
snacks
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 and
beverages
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 should approach high quality and it is
also
Linking Words
 called the healthy victuals. Take the example of unhealthy
food
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, when the
students
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 eat it, they will have a stomach ache and
then
Linking Words
 have to go to the hospital for treatment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the popularity of the schools will decline significantly and everyone will dislike that
school
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, healthy
snacks
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 and
beverages
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 should be sold and dirty
food
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 should be banned in the
canteens
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. Another salient component of
this
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 case is that the
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
 of
food
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 will improve the brain's function for the
students
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.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that when
students
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 eat healthy
snacks
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, their
body
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bodies
show examples
 and brains will grow through nutrients and vitamins.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the score in class will increase because the brain operates fully and
this
Linking Words
 leads to their parents being pleased with
this
Linking Words
 result.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
students
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 will receive surprising presents from their parents and
then
Linking Words
 they will be delighted with their education. In conclusion, healthy
snacks
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 and
beverages
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 are very salient to be sold in the
school
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canteens
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. It has been demonstrated in
this
Linking Words
 essay that they will help the
students
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 improve their scores and they will be excited with their
school
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.

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task achievement
Consider clearly distinguishing your opinion in the introduction. Strengthen your thesis statement by outlining your main arguments more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the paragraphs discussing the benefits of healthy snacks and beverages.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs focus on one main idea and expand on it, this will help to clarify and support your points more effectively.
task achievement
You have effectively stated your position on the topic at the beginning of the essay, which is crucial in an argumentative essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument, which helps to reinforce your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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