IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. ‏To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It's argued that travelling benefits us in understanding other nations and backgrounds. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because traveling is a universal language to explore and folks who stay at their homes are most likely to receive misguided information.
Firstly
Linking Words
, training is a common way for individuals to investigate and learn about places and and it can help you to understand others by learning their language and hearing their stories and experiences.
In addition
Linking Words
, you might make friends during your trip with a variety of backgrounds and interests from that you can engage in new activities
while
Linking Words
 having a memorable vacation.
For example
Linking Words
, a study published by New York University said that 68% of those who travel often sympathize more with others
due to
Linking Words
 understanding them as human beings.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Individuals who stay at their homes tend to hear information
that is
Linking Words
 not true and they will be influenced by that information. And that will cause racism and anger towards that nation which often leads to wars and violence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people will start to assume things that are wrong and totally not correct about a specific nation and that will be not fair.
For instance
Linking Words
 the United States in the past thought Russia were sending spies and that caused problems for both sides. In conclusion, exploring and travelling is human nature and it helps us to admire the world and have different perspectives on things like countries and languages.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I agree that traveling has a lot of critical aspects and families should take advantage of it.

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task achievement
Ensure that your points are clearly developed and supported with specific examples that directly relate to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the connections between your ideas and paragraphs.
content
The essay presents clear arguments in favor of the idea that traveling helps in understanding different cultures.
structure
Good structure with clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transcend
  • linguistic barriers
  • universal language
  • cultural exchange
  • traditional music
  • intergenerational
  • bridging gaps
  • shared experiences
  • music festivals
  • cultural diversity
  • therapeutic
  • evoke feelings
  • bond
  • unity
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