IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Nowadays, there are
problems
Use synonyms
 that the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
weight
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing and levels of
health
Use synonyms
 and
fintess
Correct your spelling
fitness
 are
singificant
Correct your spelling
significantly
significant
 lower. I am convinced, that a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have
problems
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
 and they do not select
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
 for walking or going to the gym
Linking Words
that is
Verb problem
which
show examples
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 some
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
weight
Add an article
the weight
show examples
 of
body
Correct pronoun usage
their body
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we have
tandancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 that in some
countries
Use synonyms
 grow and develop
industry
Add an article
the industry
an industry
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
. A
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 to do some sport, because a
lot
Use synonyms
 of them
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
show examples
 in front of
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
extensive
Change preposition
for extensive
show examples
 time.
That is
Linking Words
 all,
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and
weight
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. The media have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
ad`s
Change noun form
ads
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 can
influenced
Change the verb form
influence
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
choises
Correct your spelling
choices
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the popullation
show examples
popullation
Correct your spelling
population
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to solve
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 easily. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 should care about their
health
Use synonyms
 and start doing something to solve
problems
Use synonyms
 with increasing the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
weight
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. We consider the main measures which can help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone and change their life.
People
Use synonyms
 should decrease eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 and
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
limits
Correct subject-verb agreement
limit
show examples
 calories per day. Some
people
Use synonyms
 need more time
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
 outside,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 walking or going to the gym. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
 have
problems
Use synonyms
 with
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness are decreasing,
that is
Linking Words
 cause issue that rating in some
countries
Use synonyms
 the average
weight
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 more than in other
countries
Use synonyms
. I think, that
people
Use synonyms
 should follow and care about
health
Use synonyms
 and start to do sport and eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
, it
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
 the main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 have
problems
Use synonyms
 with
health
Use synonyms
 it is unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, sleep not enough and hard working.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction could be clearer. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to directly outline the causes and solutions you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, try to separate your ideas into distinct sections for clarity, ensuring each paragraph focuses on only one main idea.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to illustrate your points more clearly. For instance, when mentioning fast food, you could cite specific lifestyle changes that could mitigate its impact.
task achievement
Ensure you proofread for minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'average' instead of 'avarage' and 'fitness' instead of 'fintess'. This will improve overall clarity.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes and measures to address the problem, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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