IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard workers? what are the factors that should be cosidered while recruiting the staffs for sales positions?

Many
sales
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 industries ought to hire individuals who need money because most of them will do hard work at their workplaces. I think that doing
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 for the long term in the field is the main reason beyond enthusiastic employees. There are tremendous other components during hiring workers for
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position
Add an article
the position
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 of
sales
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 representative. Commencing with the most salient reason why
for
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apply
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long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 is the major element behind responsive workers is that it is quite an arduous task for individuals to obtain
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
sales
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 companies
due to
Linking Words
 stiff competition in the market. After hiring, they have to work throughout the day
for retaining
Change preposition
to retain
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 their
position
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.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, another individual will take their
position
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. I believe that
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
 should hire those people who have essential
skills
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such
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 as communication, problem-solving, and leadership. If they have
such
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skills
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, they can improve the productivity of
sales
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industires
Correct your spelling
industries
. Communication
skills
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is
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are
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 crucial to attract
coustomers
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customers
 towards their products. Finding a
soultion
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solution
in
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to
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 difficult problems can improve the
company
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company's
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 status in the market.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I think that If people want to work for
long
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a long
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 time, they have to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
Correct article usage
an efforts
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efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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for remaining
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to remain
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on
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
position
Use synonyms
 in
sales
Use synonyms
 companies. Recruiting workers who have soft
skills
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 can help to drive the company.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your paragraphs for better flow. Each should ideally focus on one main idea and clearly connect to others.
coherence cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling to avoid small inaccuracies that can distract from your overall message.
task achievement
You presented an interesting perspective on the motivations behind hiring for sales positions, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your use of a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion is commendable and helps the reader follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic motivation
  • extrinsic motivation
  • career growth
  • employee turnover
  • skill set
  • company culture
  • interpersonal skills
  • job satisfaction
  • retention strategies
  • performance metrics
  • work-life balance
  • recognition programs
  • performance incentives
  • engagement levels
  • value alignment
What to do next:
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