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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of maket share represented by the three forms.

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of maket share represented by the three forms.
The graph shows the
price
Use synonyms
to watch
Change preposition
of watching
show examples
 movies,
while
Linking Words
 the chart illustrates the amount of different forms of
people
Use synonyms
 watching films.
Overall
Linking Words
, all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three forms were experiencing an increase in
price
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 legal
download
Use synonyms
 seemed to
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a downward at the beginning.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a significant change in the way
people
Use synonyms
 watched films in 2005 compared to
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011. In 2005, the
ticket’s
Change noun form
ticket
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 was the highest among the two others with close to 10
poundsterlings
Correct your spelling
pound sterlings
pound sterling
 compared to 8 and 6
poundsterlings
Correct your spelling
pound sterlings
pound sterling
 for
DVD
Use synonyms
 and legal
Use synonyms
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
show examples
. In 2007, there was a significant discount for legal
Use synonyms
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
show examples
 and reached the bottom at 6, despite
considerable
Correct article usage
the considerable
show examples
 upward of the other two, and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time
DVD
Use synonyms
 had
overtake
Change the verb form
overtaken
show examples
 the
price
Use synonyms
. In the end, the cost to watch
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
show examples
 remained the same as it happened in the beginning with
cinema
Use synonyms
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top, followed by legal
download
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
DVD
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the lowest. Back
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005,
Use synonyms
DVD’s
Change noun form
DVD
show examples
 rent and
Use synonyms
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 dominating the way
people
Use synonyms
 watched a movie with 64%
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
 and 30% for went to
Use synonyms
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
. Surprisingly, in 2011 there was a massive overturn for
people
Use synonyms
 who watched films online
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for about 26%,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 experienced a downfall with
DVD
Use synonyms
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to 56% and
cinema
Use synonyms
 almost lost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hafl
Correct your spelling
half
 of it with just 18%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, people, download, cinema, dvd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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