IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television, however ,television cannot replace the book as learning tool which is why children are less well educated today. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Younger
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 these days when most of their time watching
television
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however
Linking Words
television
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 cannot take
place
Correct article usage
the place
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 of the
book
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge. Based
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
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 which results in younger
once
Correct your spelling
ones
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 not being well educated today. I strongly agree with the statement and will provide
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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 relation for my opinion. Considering the fact of 2 days global scenario
one
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 can state that,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of technology is at its peak and not even a single individual in
this
Linking Words
 Era can survive without the
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
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 provided by technology, among the way
to
Change preposition
apply
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one
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 is the
television
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kapil's
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Kapil's
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 nowadays are more attracted to the gadgets including
television
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
book
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 but these modern facilities cannot replace traditional learning tools for various reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the primary importance of
books
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 is that the child learning from our return tool can study at own peace and
also
Linking Words
one
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 else in
a
Remove the article
apply
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reading more attractively plus cognitive thinking is stimulated to
greater
Add an article
a greater
the greater
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 extent.
For example
Linking Words
, a student learning from a
book
Use synonyms
 will
be having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a
strong
Fix the agreement mistake
stronger
show examples
 imagination and cognitive skills
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 child learning from
television
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
television
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 and other electronic gadgets, either work on electricity or post to be charged but on
other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand
Correct your spelling
handbooks
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books
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 are neither post to be charged
or
Correct word choice
nor
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 have batteries in them
one
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 can easily have
a
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apply
show examples
greater access to
books
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 in their school libraries or
book
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 shops.
In addition
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 to it,
one
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 can carry
books
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 with them to any place and they want what it's not same for the
television
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. All these points lead
asked
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to the conclusion that
books
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 cannot be replaced by modern technology because
books
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 are not only able to increase the cognitive skills of a student
what
Correct word choice
but
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also
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more accessible and easy to carry with
one
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should more clearly present your stance on the topic and briefly outline the reasons for your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences and use paragraph breaks effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples and elaborate more on how each point connects to your main argument to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion and are passionate about the topic, which is great for engaging the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided reasons for your arguments, which is important in supporting your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made a commendable attempt to compare books and television, highlighting their differences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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