IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of the school, should be free to enjoy ife. Discuss both views and give yours?

Children
Use synonyms
 are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can enjoy their life without any worries. Many
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that
children
Use synonyms
 must have extra
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
while
Linking Words
 other people argue that they can enjoy their life outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with both
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
show examples
 so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 discuss both views as worth considering.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have a responsibility to take care of themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to build mutual understanding among
friends
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, inside
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 if one peers get some unique tiffin they have to share
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 their
friends
Use synonyms
 so they can share
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
happiness with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
Hence
Linking Words
 it makes them share in love and care.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have to do their classwork with their
friends
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people
doesnot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 give the
children
Use synonyms
 freedom outside the school. The parents
pressurize
Wrong verb form
are pressured
show examples
 to complete their assignments
instead
Linking Words
 of playing outside. They just wanted their
children
Use synonyms
 to
studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 more and more.
Subsequently
Linking Words
 , Only the parents who are aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 development can play a beneficial role in the development of their ages.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents who are well trained about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 babies and those who are well
eduacted
Correct your spelling
educated
 know about the behaviour and desires of the use of things can handle any difficult situation which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 faced by their
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, they have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to take care of themselves and do their homework , studies
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 necessary
as well as
Linking Words
 they must know respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 seniors and love towards the juniors.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least they can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfortable
interact
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 with their
friends
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to make clear distinctions between the two views in the introduction, elaborating on them before you express your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on correcting spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your message. For example, 'poeple' should be 'people', and 'responsibilties' should be 'responsibilities'.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. For instance, you could use phrases like 'On one hand' and 'Conversely' to introduce each perspective clearly.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a strong point for task response.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
The overall sentiment towards children's development and their need for both responsibilities and freedom is commendable—this reflects thoughtful engagement with the topic.
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