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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that online learning is more effective than traditional classroom learning. Do you agree or disagree?

A huge number of people believe that web-based
education
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 is better than face-to-face learning. In my opinion, I particularly agree with
this
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 statement.
Hence
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 I think that online
education
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 is effective, and I
also
Linking Words
 believe that traditional learning is essential too.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand,
education
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 on distance is more available and flexible, which really helps when
student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 has no free time to go somewhere.
As well
Rephrase
Also
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, online lessons
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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often
costs
Correct subject-verb agreement
cost
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 less than
offline
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, and it is very useful
,
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apply
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 because at the present
time
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time,
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 every second student has issues with finances.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 children from poor families and children who live in
countryside
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the countryside
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 and want to learn English, can not get
offline
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 classes because of distance and small budget.
As a
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result
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result,
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 internet-based lessons help to economy time and money, and it in fact
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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to
Change preposition
apply
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people who have less money.
On the other hand
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, traditional classroom learning is really important, because of
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 reasons. Live interaction and socialization, by learning
offline
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 students communicate with each other and online
education
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 is not able to realise live interaction which influences
on
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apply
show examples
students’ understanding.
For
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example
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example,
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 when people visit
offline
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 lessons, they talk,
help
Correct word choice
and help
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 each other and teachers can explain the theme more effectively by
visualise
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visualising
show examples
 it for the students.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students may understand topics better, develop social skills and find new friends.
To sum up
Linking Words
, learning online and
offline
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 have their own unique advantages
such
Linking Words
 as availability and flexibility or live interaction and socialization.
However
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, to be honest their importance
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 equal, and there is no reason to discuss which one is better.

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task achievement
Make sure to refine your introduction to clearly state your stance more definitively. You might want to remove any ambiguous phrases such as 'I particularly agree with this statement' and state your agreement clearly.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, try to connect ideas using linking words more effectively to enhance the flow of your argument. Terms like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally' can help emphasize your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning a specific online learning platform or a particular group of students can help illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
It would be beneficial to refine your grammar and vocabulary use. For example, phrases like 'economy time' should be 'save time', and 'realise live interaction' could be rephrased to 'facilitate live interaction'.
content
You present a balanced argument acknowledging both online and traditional learning, which shows critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for different points, making it easy to follow your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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