IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Numerous amount of individuals are moving out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 and even their countries to have different
work
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue
is
Correct word choice
that is
show examples
 it worth it
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 get from your comfort zone for a job opportunity. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, working in a different area could potentially increase your salary. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
, some cities
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have the capability to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the salaries for the employees
therefore
Linking Words
, many of them trying to find a catch in a different place some they could have a
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
 life in the future.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 there is a specific place that going to give you a
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
show examples
 jump in your career.
For instance
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 year, 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the doctors that
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduated
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Egypt ,have moved to different counties , the statistics showed that 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them moved to Saudi Arabia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, moving to a different place
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of expanses. Many
people
Use synonyms
 get in
chock
Correct your spelling
shock
show examples
 after realizing that they need to pay for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new accommodation, food and other things.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not having your family and your friends around you could make you depressed.
For example
Linking Words
,
2009
Change preposition
in 2009
show examples
 ,
king
Capitalize word
King
show examples
 Fahd
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 published
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research comparing the mental status of
people
Use synonyms
 working in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 area that they are living in and the
people
Use synonyms
 who moved to
work
Use synonyms
 in different countries. They found that
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in far places after 3 mothers they diagnosed with mild to moderate depression. In conclusion, despite the many positive sides of working in other
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
 I believe having
stabile
Correct your spelling
stable
show examples
 mental status is the core of having
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life and improving your skills and your
work
Use synonyms
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity in your arguments and make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main points. Consider using topic sentences and clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Revise your introduction to provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you'll discuss. This helps set up your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, as these can impact clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and research to support your ideas, which strengthens your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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