The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that the
government
Use synonyms
ought to fund school
sports
Use synonyms
and art,
while
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others believe that professional
sports
Use synonyms
and art competitions
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
be funded. I think that
both
Use synonyms
sides have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merits and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should allocate funds
according to
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the requirements
either
Change preposition
of either
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
or
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
have
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of
sports
Use synonyms
and art facilities available for students. But mostly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
are
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
just because of the curriculum. Supporting with
standerd equipments
Correct your spelling
standard equipment
, coaches and infrastructures
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to
enance
Correct your spelling
enhance
the students to shape the future.
Moreover
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,
school level
Add a hyphen
school-level
show examples
best performers are selected for the national teams and international level
competition
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competitions
show examples
.
Therefore
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, one day they will shine their own country's name if they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
concern from the
government
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.
For instance
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, many countries
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
performers by identifying them from their
schools
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and
sponsored
Replace the word
sponsoring them
show examples
until achieving the best results.
Thus
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, it is
importent
Correct your spelling
important
to allow funds for
schools
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to develop their
sports
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and
arts
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.
On the other hand
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, when considering
the
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apply
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society, some individuals have hidden talents and some are identified after
leave
Change the verb form
leaving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary education.
Also
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, there are many individuals
recognized
Correct pronoun usage
who recognized
show examples
their talents and spend their money to improve them
individualy
Correct your spelling
individually
individuals
to participate in events. Having
government
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sponsors
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
people can achieve their goals
as well as
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country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
dreams.
However
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, after leaving
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
the same students will represent the community as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults, and the
government
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should
be arranged
Wrong verb form
arrange
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
for their
sports
Use synonyms
and
arts
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some people make a debate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sponsorships should be made to school
sports
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and
arts
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rather than considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's
sports
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and
arts
Use synonyms
. I believe that
both
Use synonyms
parties
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
be funded
due to
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both
Use synonyms
are equally
importent
Correct your spelling
important
.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured by outlining your main argument explicitly before presenting the two sides of the debate. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in subject-verb agreement and proper use of plurals to improve clarity. Phrases like "the both" can be simplified to just "both".
task achievement
Try to avoid vague phrases like 'some certain type'. Instead, be precise about what types of sports and arts are available in schools.
task achievement
More specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument. For instance, including names of countries or programs that have successfully funded sports and arts can make your case even stronger.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of the argument, considering both the needs of schools and the community, which is a positive strength in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views, reiterating the importance of funding both sectors, which reflects a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Foster early talent
  • Holistic development
  • Accessibility
  • Long-term benefits
  • Socio-economic background
  • Culturally rich society
  • Reduced inequality
  • Community bonding
  • Foundation skills
  • Engaged citizens
What to do next:
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