IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

There are two line chart diagrams to display two trends which are the percentage of using electrical devices in households and the number of hours of domestic work each week.

There are two line chart diagrams to display two trends which are the percentage of using electrical devices in households and the number of hours of domestic work each week.
The provided line charts illustrate trends which are the usage of electrical devices'
percentag
Correct your spelling
percentage
per cent
 in households and the number of hours of house each week.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the graphs of refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners steadily increased
while
Linking Words
 the rate of
a washing machines
Correct the article-noun agreement
washing machines
a washing machine
show examples
fluctuated. The proportion of refrigerator and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 usage in households showed similar trends. The graph of refrigerators was kept stable from 1980 to 2019 after it rose rapidly from about 5% in 1920 to 90% in 1960. The line graph of
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners ascended steadily
30
Change preposition
to 30
show examples
% in 1920, 50% in 1940, 70% in 1960 and over 90% in 2000. The line chart diagram displays the trend of washing machine usage
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from 40% in 1920 to 70% in 1960 before the rate decreased from 70% in 1960 to over 60% in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
, it started to rise again from over 60% in 1980 to about 75% in 2019. In terms of growth, the portion of using refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners became the same as 100 in 2019.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words vacuum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: