IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years, but others think everyone should be free to choose where they work. Discuss and give your own opinion.

With the current technological era, urbanization has increased to the next level, ultimately resulting in concentrated facilities in cities. In
this
Linking Words
 scenario, there is a view that young professionals should
work
Use synonyms
 in countryside
areas
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 to fill the gap,
while
Linking Words
 the other perspective is there should be freedom to choose, where one wants to
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the choice of
work
Use synonyms
 should be
according to
Linking Words
 personal interest
instead
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 of compulsion. For every country cities are the front runner in the economy, so definitely there will be more opportunities and resources as compared to the remote
areas
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.
For example
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, in my country, Pakistan a plethora of youngsters are studying in the city's big university and at the same
time
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 doing
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
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 jobs to meet their expenses which is not possible in faraway
areas
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. If they were posted in rural
areas
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 right after their graduation they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be
dishearted
Verb problem
disheartened
show examples
, no doubt working there would provide them with unique experiences and they would learn how to face challenges with less number of resources. With hands-on experience, they will be able to progress fast.
Thus
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 working in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 not only fills the gap of the absence of professionals but at the same
time
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 provides the chance to challenge oneself.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the community
also
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 advocate the fact there should be freedom to choose a
work
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 location. Young and fresh professional are very entheastic, if they don't get their ideal job location
this
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 could slow down their progress.
This
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 could
also
Linking Words
 lead to under-rated services. As far as I'm concerned,
instead
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 of placing fresh graduates in far remote
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areas
Add a comma
areas,
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 the government should come up with other solutions, like setting up medical camps for one week or month and every
time
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 the group of service providers should be changed. Study loans
,
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apply
show examples
 and bounces can be announced for those who will
work
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 willingly.
Moreover
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, technology has already brought a lot of changes in all fields of life, for a profession like teaching online mode is available so why bother with physical
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Above all
Linking Words
, it should be
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 choice where he wants to
work
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, but it could be more engaging. Try starting with a compelling statement or question to draw the reader in.
Task Achievement
Some ideas are well-developed, but others could benefit from more elaboration. For instance, you mention that rural areas have fewer opportunities, but adding more specific examples or statistics could strengthen this point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transitions between some of your ideas are abrupt. Consider using linking words or phrases to improve the flow of your arguments. For example, using 'Furthermore' or 'In contrast' could help connect your supporting points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion, but it could be made stronger by briefly restating your key arguments. This would reinforce your stance and provide closure to your discussion.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion throughout the essay and make an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is a positive aspect of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, such as the situation in Pakistan, demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and helps to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured overall, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • disparity
  • access
  • quality education
  • healthcare
  • mandatory service
  • community development
  • shortages
  • job satisfaction
  • personal freedom
  • retention
  • incentives
  • financial bonuses
  • rural areas
  • urban areas
  • professionals
  • essential services
  • career choice
What to do next:
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