IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages foe young people who decide to do this?

In various nations around the world, many people advocate taking a gap year in
ordee
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order
 to
work
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 or travel before beginning
ones
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one's
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 tertiary
eduaction
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education
.
While
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 there is clearly a drawback to
this
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,
i
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I
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 personally believe that the benefits are more significant. The disadvantage of going a gap year is that
students
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 may
endup
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end up
 not returning to their studies. The reason for
this
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 is that they may enjoy earning money and becoming financially independent .
therefore
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 their whole future could be negatively affected as these days it is very important for everyone to graduate with a degree
inorder
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in order
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 to be competitive in the job market.
On the other hand
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, one of the major advantages is that
students
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 will be able to expand their horizons if they travel overseas. When
students
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 go abroad, they will be exposed to different cultures and customs.
For example
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, westerners visiting a country like
thailand
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Thailand
show examples
 will be able to experience traditional
thai
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Thai
show examples
 dance like
khon
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Khon
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 and traditional
thai
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Thai
show examples
sport
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sports
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 like muay
thai
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Thai
show examples
.
As a result
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, they will gain a deeper understanding of the different places in the world.
In addition
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 to that,
students
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 who
work
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 will be able to learn to appreciate the value of money.
This
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 is because they will realize the hard
work
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 involved in earning an income.
Consequently
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, they would think more before purchasing anything they desire and may become less impulsive in their spending. In conclusion, the
advantagea
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advantages
advantage
 are of greater significance than the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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. Despite the fact that
studentsmay
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students may
 not
continuebon
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continue
 studying at university, they will gain a lot of experience when they travel or learn to better appreciate money when they
work
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. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that schools should encourage more
students
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 to
considee
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consider
 taking a gap year.

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language
Ensure to check for spelling errors such as 'orde' instead of 'order' and 'endup' instead of 'end up'.
task response
Clarify your viewpoints a bit more in the introduction to enhance task response.
coherence
When discussing advantages, consider contrasting them more thoroughly with the disadvantages to strengthen coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion with supporting arguments for the advantages of taking a gap year, which is commendable.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as traditional Thai dance and Muay Thai, effectively illustrate the benefits of cultural exposure from traveling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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