IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How this problem can be overcome?

Time
Use synonyms
 Management is a significant aspect of everybody's
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, for some
people
Use synonyms
, it is a difficult task to manage their
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 with their personal
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend could be health problems and workload
whereas
Linking Words
, the solutions for
this
Linking Words
 could be work-
life
Use synonyms
 equity and a healthy lifestyle which will be elaborated
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 To commence with,
people
Use synonyms
 have
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 management skills
due to
Linking Words
 which they cannot maintain their schedule and it is creating a huge problem in their personal
as well as
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 lives. Stress has a deep impact on the
life
Use synonyms
 of a person as it
also
Linking Words
 creates a disturbance in their daily activity. Not only is it affecting their productivity at work but
also
Linking Words
 is creating family disputes. In North America,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are working 5 days a week cannot manage their timetable as they don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves. The high cost of living
also
Linking Words
leadsalso
Correct your spelling
leads also
 leads to overwork for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 because they cannot maintain their expenses with one
job
Use synonyms
 either they have to do overtime or another part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 on their off days.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from all these crises, and it is not an easy task for them to maintain their work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance. To contradict
this
Linking Words
, the solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue would be a
work-lifelife
Correct your spelling
work-life life
work-life-life
 balance where
people
Use synonyms
 can maintain their lives in a proper way.
For instance
Linking Words
, they should
provide
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 an equal amount of
time
Use synonyms
 with their family
as well as
Linking Words
 at work because it will reduce the chaos
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
life
Use synonyms
 of a person. Another solution
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should do regular exercise to cope with their health problems whether it is physical or mental.
Although
Linking Words
 it will be difficult for them to manage
this
Linking Words
 task, it would be achievable with
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 approach.
Consequently
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should focus on controlling their professional and personal lives which will increase their quality of
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are busy at their jobs, maintaining their
time
Use synonyms
 could not be convenient for everyone. Rather
people
Use synonyms
 should pay closer attention to
this
Linking Words
 work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance
otherwise
Linking Words
, it will lead to serious consequences like stress and disputes among family members.

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task achievement
Work on developing clearer and more precise main ideas to support your arguments. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that states the main point.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are varied and specific to enhance the points you are making. Use examples that are more directly related to the argument you are presenting.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the consistency in your writing, ensuring that all terms are used correctly (e.g., 'work-life balance' instead of 'work-lifelife balance').
coherence and cohesion
Reorganize sentences to improve flow and clarity, as some sentences have repetitive ideas that can be consolidated.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more linking words to improve the overall cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided a clear identification of the problems and offered solutions, which indicates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your essay effectively, which is a positive aspect of your structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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