IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The media, especially the television is failing to represent the world in its true light. As a consequence, the younger generation is growing up in a fantasy world with a false conception of their surroundings. Present your argumentation to highlight your opinion on this matter. Give reasons and specific examples to support your opinions.

The reliability and quality of media broadcasts are often in question.
This
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 is
due to
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 the skewed worldview of the next generation growing up in
heavily
Correct article usage
a heavily
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 media-influenced environment. I am inclined to agree with
this
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 statement as we have many youths The portrayal of unrealistic
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 in television shows creates a skewed perception of reality for young viewers.
For example
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, reality shows often depict extravagant living and drama, which can lead youth to believe that
such
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lifestyles
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 are common or attainable. As
such
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, many have become depressed when they are unable to achieve similar
lifestyles
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 The impact of advertising and consumerism on television influences young viewers’ values and priorities.
For instance
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, kids today are much more susceptible to the idea that they should go under the knife to look as flawless as celebrities or famous people
onine
Correct your spelling
online
. Couple with
promotion
Add an article
the promotion
show examples
 of materialism and superficial values, which have
lead
Replace the word
led
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 youth to prioritize wealth and appearance over personal growth and integrity. In conclusion,
as a result
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 of certain types of media propaganda, youths today grow up with misconceptions about how the world is and
this
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 can be seen in their struggle for unattainable
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 and how they prioritise their personal appearance.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be more developed to clearly outline your main points. Consider briefly mentioning the specific aspects of media you will discuss.
Task Achievement
In your body paragraphs, try to ensure that all main points are clearly supported by specific examples. You mention 'unrealistic lifestyles' and 'consumerism,' but further examples or data would strengthen these claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better flow. Consider using transition phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the key points succinctly. You might also want to assert what implications these misconceptions may have on society as a whole, not just on individual youths.
Content
The essay raises valid concerns regarding the impact of media on youth, which is a relevant topic that resonates with many readers.
Content
Your examples of unrealistic lifestyles and consumerism were appropriate and showcased an understanding of the issues at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • portrayal
  • skewed perception
  • unrealistic lifestyles
  • sensationalizes
  • violent acts
  • diverse representation
  • narrow viewpoints
  • stereotypes
  • biased news
  • ideology
  • well-rounded understanding
  • global issues
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • superficial values
  • prioritize
  • personal growth
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