IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgeries. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

An increasing number of
people
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 are choosing to undergo cosmetic
surgery
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 to improve their appearance.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
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 trend and explain why I believe it brings more harm than benefit. One of the main reasons is the rise of social media.
People
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 are constantly exposed to idealized images of beauty, which creates pressure to look flawless.
As a result
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, many individuals compare themselves to celebrities or influencers and try to improve their appearance through
surgery
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. In some extreme cases,
people
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 spend all their savings or even go into debt to get repeated procedures on the same body part, just to meet unrealistic beauty standards.
In addition
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, cosmetic
surgery
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 carries health risks. It may lead to side effects
such
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 as infections, allergic reactions, or unnatural results. Some surgeries may
also
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 leave permanent damage, which is difficult to reverse. These negative outcomes can affect both physical and mental health.
However
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, cosmetic
surgery
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 can be helpful in certain situations.
For instance
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,
people
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 who have suffered from burn injuries or serious accidents may use
surgery
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 to rebuild their appearance. It can
also
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 help individuals fix minor flaws, like scars or crooked features, and boost their confidence in a healthy way. In conclusion,
while
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 cosmetic
surgery
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 can bring positive results in some cases, I believe the current trend driven by social media causes more harm than good.
Instead
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 of chasing perfection,
people
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 should learn to appreciate their natural beauty and make decisions based on personal well-being rather than outside pressure.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples of cosmetic procedures that relate to your points, particularly when discussing the negative outcomes or benefits. This can strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the transitions between your points. Using linking words and phrases can help to enhance the flow of your essay and make it clearer how each point connects to the next.
introduction
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents a clear thesis statement describing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You provide a well-rounded view by acknowledging the positive aspects of cosmetic surgery alongside the negatives, which demonstrates critical thinking and awareness of multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmetic surgery
  • societal pressure
  • beauty standards
  • social media
  • perceived flaws
  • self-esteem
  • empowerment
  • quality of life
  • medical technology
  • reconstructive purposes
  • normalization
  • unrealistic beauty standards
  • health risks
  • complications
  • psychological effects
  • body image
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