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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the percentage of households with electronic goods in 2 countries

The table below shows the percentage of households with electronic goods in 2 countries
The table illustrates the share of six types of electronic goods possessed by households in two countries.
Overall
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
 A owns all listed appliances more widely than that in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, with the most prevalent items
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 in both countries.
In contrast
Linking Words
, dishwasher possession is marginal in both countries.
While
Linking Words
 the ownership proportions for most devices show
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 gap;
nonetheless
Linking Words
,
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 TVs and cell phones, show more stark disparities. Looking first at the most common items, almost all families in
country
Use synonyms
 A own
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine, at 97%, which is higher than those
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
B
Use synonyms
, at 90%. Computers are
also
Linking Words
 more universal in
country
Use synonyms
 A, with 78% of families owning
its
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in comparison with 70% in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Similar
Change the word
Similarly
show examples
, the ownership
rates's
Change preposition
rates of
show examples
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 TVs in
country
Use synonyms
 A
is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 higher than those in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, with 65% for the former and 55% for the latter, marking the most pronounced difference in the table. Turning to the less owned goods, 44% of households in
country
Use synonyms
 A
possessing
Wrong verb form
possess
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 than 9% of families
owning
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, so it is the second
most higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 gap. A similar pattern can be witnessed in video recorder possession,
while
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
lag
Correct subject-verb agreement
lags
show examples
 slightly than
country
Use synonyms
 A, with 25% for the former and 30% for the latter.
Finally
Linking Words
,
dishwasher
Add an article
the dishwasher
a dishwasher
show examples
 is not only the least owned product, but
also
Linking Words
 the product
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the narrowest margin between
country
Use synonyms
 A and
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, just 2% with 17% for
country
Use synonyms
 A and 15%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words country, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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