It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some suggest that it is important for
individuals
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to take
risks
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in both professional and personal scenarios. I believe that the advantages of
this
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outweigh the disadvantages as it
allowas
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allows
individuals
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to learn various life
skills
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that contribute to personal growth. On the one hand, some argue that taking
risks
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can cause negative
consequances
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consequences
that
individuals
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may find
it
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apply
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hard to
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
. To be specific, taking
risks
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means a higher possibility of making mistakes, if
individuals
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don't have a
possitive
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positive
mindset or are not capable of managing stress, it easily leads to severe mental disorders,
such
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as anxiety or depression. Eventually, they will not only suffer from mental problems
,
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apply
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but
also
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lose their opportunities to try and to succeed.
For example
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, if a person puts himself under the circumstance of taking
risks
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in the workplace,
for example
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, organizing an activity without any experience. The failure not only lets him lose his job but
also
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trigger
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triggers
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his fear
to try
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of trying
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a new project again.
On the other hand
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, I believe that taking
risks
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helps
individuals
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develop strong life
skills
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. Notably, when
idividuals
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individuals
are under the circumstance that they may likely make mistakes, the severe environment
would
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apply
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not only makes them more resilient and adaptable to difficulties
,
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apply
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but
also
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help
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helps
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them build
independance
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independence
and confidence when facing challenges in the future.
However
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, those who are afraid of taking
risks
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do not have opportunities to polish
thse
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these
those
the
soft
skills
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which can only
attain
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be attained
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through mistakes.
For example
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, candidates who have the courage to implement innovative ideas are often valued by
the
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apply
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employers. In conclusion,
although
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some argue that taking
risks
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is detrimental to
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individuals’
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individual’s
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mental health, I firmly believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages, as only through
risks
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can they develop important life
skills
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and grow as
individuals
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.

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Grammar/Spelling
Ensure correct spelling for words such as 'allowas' (should be 'allows') and 'consequances' (should be 'consequences').
Content Development
Try to provide more specific examples or anecdotes to better illustrate your points, especially in discussing risks in personal scenarios.
Coherence
Make sure to use varied sentence structures and connect ideas more fluidly to enhance the flow of the essay.
Cohesion
Consider using transition phrases to better connect your arguments and paragraphs, which will improve the overall coherence.
Content Understanding
You provide a balanced argument by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which shows critical thinking.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your perspective on the issue, reiterating the importance of taking risks for personal growth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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