IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, pressure on school and university students has been increasing and they are pushed to work very hard from a young age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that per percentage of students who are stressed in school and University are growing and they are pushed to get gobs from a young age, In
this
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 essay I will analyse the topic and discuss the advantages and disadvantages and in the
last
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 give my opinion. On the
one
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 hand,
One
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 of the biggest reasons why students are put under pressure these days is the money they should pay for their education,
However
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, In my society family or government pay, No
one
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 student pays even if he gets a low degree, I consider that every society should do the same thing at the least students
one
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 of the most important things can support the economy.
On the other hand
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, there is a study published by New York University concluded that 85 per cent of people who study and work at the same time are smarter than others,
In other words
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, People who work at a young age can be more independent, instance,It is great to take care about yourself from a young age but if you don't get any support it will come negative on you. In conclusion,There is no easy answer to
this
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 question, On balance,
Moreover
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, I believe that the government should pay every single person to get his education.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure to maintain consistent formatting and correct grammar in your sentences. For example, phrases such as 'from a young age' should not include a comma before 'from.'
coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer connections between your ideas. For instance, make sure to explicitly link how one point supports your overall argument in the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to explain how working while studying can lead to independence, rather than just stating it. This gives the reader a better understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Clarify your conclusion by explicitly stating your opinion again, summarizing the key points that led you to this opinion.
structure
Your introduction outlines the structure of your essay well, giving the reader a clear understanding of what to expect.
content
You presented both sides of the argument, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages, which is imperative in a balanced essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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