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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009
The pie charts compared how much
electricity
Use synonyms
generated
Add a missing verb
was generated
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 in two different countries namely Germany and France from all sources and
recovering
Wrong verb form
recovered
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 during 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
generation
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in Germany leads a significant proportion from conventional Thermal,
whereas
Linking Words
, nuclear was a significant
ones
Change the noun form
one
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 in France. Regarding, the
generation
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 of
electricity
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 in Germany, whose total
output
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560
Add a missing verb
is 560
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 billion kWh fostering a significant percentage from Conventional Thermal was about over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half.
While
Linking Words
 the Nuclear and
Renewables
Use synonyms
 were mere around 40 per cent in total respectively. It can be seen that
,
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apply
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renewables
Use synonyms
 projected with two enormous
Use synonyms
output
Fix the agreement mistake
outputs
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 namely Biomass and Wind were
two-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 in total (39.3 and 36.9 %).
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
generation
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 of Hydroelectric and Solar were approximately 23 per cent altogether in 2009. It can be seen that, in France
whose
Correct pronoun usage
which
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generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
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electricity
Use synonyms
all
Change preposition
of all
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 types less than Germany’s
output
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become
Verb problem
is
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 510 billion kWh. The considerable
output
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 was
three-fourth
Correct your spelling
three-fourths
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 in the category of
electricity
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 which
named
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is named
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 Nuclear. The proportion of other kinds of
electricity
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, Conventional and
Renewables
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 were around 24%
Change preposition
in totally
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totally
Change the word
total
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
renewables
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 predicted around a majority of
generation
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 namely Hydroelectric and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 means, Wind and Biomass leading to 18.5%
output
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 collectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Solar and Geothermal
were
Verb problem
had
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 the least of
output
Use synonyms
,
it shows
Wrong verb form
showing
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 0.9%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, generation, output, renewables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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