Children are taught to push themselves to be better than their classmates rather than to work together for everyone's profit. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Recent
Change preposition
In recent
show examples
period there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
challenge
beteween
Correct your spelling
between children
chilldren
Use synonyms
to be better than their
calssmates
Correct your spelling
classmates
by
themseves
Correct your spelling
themselves
rather than to be on teamwork .
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
my personal
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would disagree with
this
Linking Words
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that
cooperathion
Correct your spelling
cooperation
with others
improved
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
skills and involves more experience .
This
Linking Words
essay will express
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
. The primary
resone
Correct your spelling
reason
to disagree with
Use synonyms
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
individual
Change the word
individually
show examples
rathere
Correct your spelling
rather
than being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
work because it will lead
Use synonyms
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and bad mental
health
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
was
chilldren
Use synonyms
it hard to
understad
Correct your spelling
understand
the subjects alone and without
friends
Change noun form
friends'
friend's
show examples
help
specialy
Correct your spelling
specially
especially
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
math
moreover
Linking Words
working with classmate and solve the assingments togather make me more comfotable to improve and solve my problem with math subject ,As result to be under the stress and bad mental
health
Use synonyms
is lead to dicrease the scores and strugle to absorve the lesson becaus they will not able to understand clearliy with bad mental
health
Use synonyms
. An Additional
pusching
Correct your spelling
pushing
punching
Use synonyms
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
by theme
selif
Correct your spelling
self
to be better than their classmate have
also
Linking Words
advantages from my experience our parents put
an
Change the article
a
show examples
challenge between
Use synonyms
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
to approach the high score as
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
this
Linking Words
method
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
Use synonyms
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
to take responsibility and depend on their
selif
Correct your spelling
self
to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
the goals .
Hence
Linking Words
working
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with chilldren
show examples
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
individual will make them able to
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
understand
theme
Fix the agreement mistake
themes
show examples
selif and be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
their goals and how to get an high
acadimc eduaction
Correct your spelling
academic education
as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
mental
thougths
Correct your spelling
thoughts
will improved
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
this
Linking Words
method .
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion , pushing
chiildren
Correct your spelling
children
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
to get better
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
their class
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
more demerits like bad mental
health
Use synonyms
and being
streesful
Correct your spelling
stressed
all the time and that will lead to bad
acadimc
Correct your spelling
academic
pand .
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
significant
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
advantage that improved the responsibility and challenges to achieve the goals

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. It should provide a brief overview of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea supported by relevant examples. Use linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can affect the clarity of your ideas and overall impression. For example, 'chilldren' should be 'children.'
Task Achievement
You provided personal experience to support your points, which adds an authentic touch to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual achievement
  • personal responsibility
  • ambition
  • goal-setting
  • resilience
  • failure
  • mental toughness
  • friendly rivalry
  • dynamic learning environment
  • neglect
  • collaboration skills
  • teamwork
  • mental health
  • stress and anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • social bonds
  • social development
  • competition
  • peer relationships
  • cooperation
  • workplace skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: