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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart gives information about how many
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 four different types of evening courses in an adult education
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in 2009. The pie chart illustrates the rate of five
age
Use synonyms
 brackets of them.
Overall
Linking Words
, the rate of the participants gradually increased with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
age
Use synonyms
 and the highest number of learners
recorded
Add a missing verb
was recorded
show examples
 in the 50
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group.
Whereas
Linking Words
, more
females
Use synonyms
 learned in the evening classes than
males
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 the bar chart. The most women
selected
Correct pronoun usage
who selected
show examples
 languages as
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 study subject was 40 as the highest
learners
Correct your spelling
earners
show examples
 among all courses,
while
Linking Words
men's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 were almost half of
Correct article usage
the women's
show examples
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
 in the language class. The drama
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the painting
also
Linking Words
 attracted
Use synonyms
females
Correct quantifier usage
more females
show examples
 than
males
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
20 and 30 respectively. When compared with women, men are interested
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 about sculpture. 10
males
Use synonyms
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 sculptures as the course subject and around 5
females
Use synonyms
 only attended
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same class. When
consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 brackets, the youth
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the evening classes. Only 5% of students from the
below 20
Add a hyphen
below-20
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group participated
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 classes.
However
Linking Words
, in 2009, almost 50% of older adults learned in the education
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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