IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In order to solve traffic problems government should tax private cars owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport. Whatbare the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

In
this
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 contemporary era, many countries have traffic jams
due to
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 the
increased
Replace the word
increase
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
privet
Use synonyms
 vehicles. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that to develop the public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
, the private
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 ought to pay a high amount of
tax
Use synonyms
 in order to avoid traffic congestion.
This
Linking Words
 solution has some advantages and disadvantages and
this
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 essay will discuss both sides with points. On the one hand, when increasing
tax
Use synonyms
 rates for
privet
Use synonyms
 cars, the government can spend that revenue to construct infrastructure and improve the current public
transport
Use synonyms
system
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. Building new roads helps to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic congestion during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peak hours in major cities.
Due to
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 these developments, the public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to travel conveniently at a low cost and with more reliability.
Therefore
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, the government economy will enhanced and that income can be allocated for another major project in the country.
For instance
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, nowadays many countries
people
Use synonyms
 tend to use carpools.
In addition
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 to that, the developed public
transport
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system
Use synonyms
 allows
people
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 to travel conveniently at a low cost.
This
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 allows save money and time.
Moreover
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, there are some environmental benefits
such
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 as, the heavy taxes
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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people
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 spend money on
privet
Use synonyms
 cars and that can lead to fewer emissions.
Also
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,
people
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 opt for a more eco-friendly public
transport
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system
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.
On the other hand
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, the heavy
tax
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 burden
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
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 allow
people
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 to purchase new vehicles and potentially loss of automobile industry jobs.
This
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 is because, the industry could lead to decreased sales,
losses
Correct word choice
and losses
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 in manufacturing and other related services.
Furthermore
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, in most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 public
transport
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 services might not be available in a regular manner and are not efficient.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it may directly
effects
Verb problem
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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passengers and they have to struggle with
extended
Add an article
the extended
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 waiting time.
Also
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, insufficient public
transport
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 might not accommodate all
people
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 who have left their
privet
Use synonyms
 cars. In conclusion, a number of
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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argued
to acquire
Change preposition
for acquiring
show examples
 heavy
tax
Use synonyms
 rates from the
privet
Use synonyms
 car owners to develop the public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to travel in eco-friendly, more convenient low-cost methods, it loses the automobile industry and
people
Use synonyms
 may struggle with insufficient service.

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structural clarity
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and outlines the discussion well. However, try to streamline your sentence structure for more clarity. For instance, 'many countries have traffic jams due to the increased number of private vehicles' sounds clearer. Also, ensure you define 'congestion' at the beginning.
specific examples
In your body paragraphs, while your main points are clear, the examples could be more varied or specific. For example, you mention carpools but don't explain how this relates directly to the taxation idea. Consider explaining how increasing taxes could encourage further carpooling or commuter-sharing initiatives. Also, separating ideas into clear topic sentences would improve the flow.
conclusiveness
Your conclusion summarizes the discussion well but could benefit from a more decisive statement. It would be great to include your personal viewpoint related to the issue at stake. This not only concludes the argument but also demonstrates your ability to express an opinion, which is often evaluated in the IELTS writing task.
content coverage
The essay does a good job of introducing the topic and presenting both advantages and disadvantages of the proposed solution.
example strength
You provided some relevant examples and explained potential economic and environmental impacts clearly, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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