IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In order to solve traffic problems government should tax private cars owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

Traffic
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problems
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is
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are
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 one of the major concerns of the public nowadays. It is always frustrating to experience a
traffic
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 jam or even a car
cursh
Correct your spelling
crush
crash
 whenever we are in a rush.
Therefore
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, finding methods to address
traffic
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problems
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 is becoming more and more crucial. One suggestion to alleviate
traffic
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problems
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 is that private
vehicles
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vehicle
show examples
 owners should be taxed by
government
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the government
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 heavily,
while
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 the taxes are implemented to enhance public
transport
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the pros and cons of
such
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 a suggestion. In regard
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 benefits, by taxing the private vehicle drivers and using the taxes to enhance public
transport
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, relevant government organisations,
such
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 as
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transport
Correct article usage
the transport
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 bureau and road development departments, can publish various policies to improve public
transport
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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transport
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 bureau can
introuduce
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introduce
 more bus stops, railway lines, and even routes of
ferry
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the ferry
a ferry
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 to ensure people in every district
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 able to take a ride when needed.
Furthermore
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, Road development departments can use the money to build more highways and tunnels so that roads would not be crowded in the peak period. Notwithstanding the mentioned benefits of the solution, there would be significant downsides in which the
needs
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need
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 for
public
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the public
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 to take public
transport
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 could be overwhelmed. The heavy tax on private
cars
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car
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 owners can indeed
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 the amount of private vehicles on the road. yet it
also
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 increases the amount of people
to take
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taking
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 public
transport
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, leading to a
situtaion
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situation
which
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in which
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 they might need to queue for a dramatically long period before getting to the vehicles.
To conclude
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, taxing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private vehicle drivers and using the taxes to enhance public
transport
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 can support
releveant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 departments to publish multiple policies, which can significantly alleviate
traffic
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problems
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.
However
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, the side effect of the solution that might
conversbly
Correct your spelling
conversably
conversely
causing
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cause
be causing
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nuisance
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a nuisance
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 to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 is
also
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 necessary to be considered.

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task achievement
The introduction does present the topic well, but consider more clearly outlining the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are well-supported with clear examples. For instance, when mentioning public transport improvements, providing specific examples or potential benefits would strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammar and spelling errors (e.g., 'cursh', 'introuduce', 'decrese', 'situtaion', 'releveant'). Proofreading your essay can help to reduce these mistakes and enhance overall clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving cohesion by using linking words more effectively to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition', especially when discussing the advantages.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of taxing private vehicle owners.
task achievement
There are good attempts to discuss how tax revenue can be utilized to improve public transport, which is a relevant point to the topic at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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