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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In modern times both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents are compelled to work,
due to
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 the rising cost of living. Some parents believe that their
children
Use synonyms
 should be taken
care
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by
Change preposition
of by
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 the
grandparents
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while
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 others think that the young ones should be kept in
childcare
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centres
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the best option is
keeping
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to keep
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 the toddlers with
grandparents
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 and not in
childcare
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centres
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. In
this
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 essay both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed by giving several examples.
To begin
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 with,
grandparents
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 are the most experienced when it comes to child
care
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, they themselves have
first hand
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first-hand
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 experience of bringing up their kids, so they can with no doubt be the best
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care takers
Correct your spelling
caretakers
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. There is a sense of attachment towards their grandchildren, which makes them more responsible for them.
Furthermore
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, living with elders of the family leads to
better
Add an article
a better
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 understanding of the culture and traditions of the family.
For instance
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,
celebration
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a celebration
the celebration
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 of festivals in
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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 way can be taught by the parents to their grandchildren. Ethical and moral values can be imbibed among the
children
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 at a very young age by the
grandparents
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.
On the other hand
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, staying in
Correct article usage
the kids
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kids
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kids'
kid's
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 centre can help the
children
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in becoming
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become
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 more social, because of the interaction with their peers. All the more, the staff of
childcare
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centres
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 are trained professionals, they know what should be done if an emergency arises.
For example
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, if a child gets injured
while
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 playing they will be able to provide better first aid to the
children
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,
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then
Correct your spelling
than
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it
Correct pronoun usage
their
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grandparents
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.
To conclude
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, though there are benefits of living in
childcare
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centres
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, they cannot be a substitute for the love and
care
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 of
grandparents
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.

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task achievement
Elaborate more on your examples and explanations to provide a clearer understanding of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to include more specific examples or anecdotes to support your arguments more convincingly.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for a good task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly structured, providing a good framework for your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional bond
  • wealth of experience
  • cultural traditions
  • socialization opportunities
  • structured environment
  • trained professionals
  • developmental needs
  • financial aspect
  • curriculum
  • academic success
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