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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

For every nation whether developed or undeveloped
children
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 are their most important asset, recently some countries have been facing with difficult problem,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
number of
children
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 are facing obesity
as a result
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 of eating too much fast
food
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. In
this
Linking Words
 scenario, some people advocate the fact that fast
food
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 selling should be banned from schools. In my opinion,
this
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 is not a dependable solution, proper guidance should be provided. On the one hand, there is a plethora of views, that to keep kids away from fast
food
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 consumption, it should not be available in the canteen of educational institutions.
Children
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 spend most part of their days attending academies, and with their friends there, if unhealthy
food
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 is around them all the time
then
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 they will automatically show interest towards it. In the absence of junk
food
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, they will start to adopt
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet.
Thus
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 it is necessary to ban fast
food
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 from schools, in order to compel
children
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 towards a healthy lifestyle.
On the other hand
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,
instead
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 of changing the types of
food
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 in institutions, proper guidance is mandatory.Every person has their own choice, kids should be aware of the fact that , in the long run, consumption of high levels of salt, sugar and additives in pizza or burgers would bring to their body, how it will lead them to obesity and related diseases like heart attack and diabetes. So, rather than forcing, try to bring change with the help of training and consequences. In conclusion, the removal of junk
food
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 supply from the academies is not a good solution,
means
Correct pronoun usage
which means
show examples
 if not from school one will get from the outside.
That is
Linking Words
 why it is better to change preferences for meals.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your position more clearly in the introduction and conclusion to ensure it aligns with the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to strengthen connections and overall readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially regarding the effects of fast food and the importance of education on nutrition.
Content
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective on the issue.
Content
The introduction effectively outlines the context of the problem and sets the stage for discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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